Improvement

I'm feeling better. The Zoloft kicked in sometime last week. I was curious what it would be like--would I feel a change in my body, similar to the sensation of having other types of drugs seep into the system? So far, I haven't felt any physical changes like that. The main change is that, when I think of doing something such as working on a project for work, or imagining a new career for myself sometime in the future, I don't immediately feel like "Ugh, what is the point of even thinking about this. I hate this idea. I have no motivation to work on it at all. Bleh." So hooray for feeling better.

The responses to my last post were really wonderful. A few women wrote me back on Facebook, sharing their own experiences with PPD. An ex-colleague wrote me a note sharing what a hard time she had after the birth of her first child. It was so reassuring to hear "me too" from people. Especially from people who seem like fun, thoughtful mamas. In fact, any time I've opened my mouth about how hard this whole four babies thing has been the people I'm talking to essentially say, "Um yeah, DUH!" Except in kinder, more supportive words.

Perspective is a funny thing. I knew this would be hard. I couldn't imagine it and I didn't spend too much time or energy worrying about it because I knew we would somehow make it through. That's the thing about "making it through" though. It feels different and hard in different ways than you expect. I expected to be exhausted and to have a hard time juggling so many babies. I didn't expect the emotional toll.

I have lots more things to write, so many thoughts that have been flitting around in my head. But the little girls (the Itty Bitties) are crying and my husband is feeding them both as I sit on the couch pumping and typing away. Off to join forces with my partner in the hands-full arena.

More soon.