Counting points

We didn't get movers. For the past few days I've thought about writing that sentence as a segue from the last post to the this one. Except now that I'm here with a few minutes to write, I'm thinking of other things. Namely food and feeding myself. Feeding my children. Feeding my family. Not as in "how will I find the money to feed myself and my family?" We are very lucky in not having to worry about that at the moment. Hopefully ever. More in the "How do I choose/buy/prepare healthy, yummy food in the limited free time I have and how do I introduce these young babies to eating well?" sense of things.

Today I started Weightwatchers for the fourth time in the last several weeks. So far, so good. Today. Before yesterday, after starting and only making it a few days before going on yet another cereal binge, I was this close to saying forget it. Now is not the time. It felt good to have reached that decision, even as I bemoaned my pants not fitting and my mom belly and sides reaching out between shirt bottom and waistband every time I sit on the floor. I've been grabbing food and stuffing it in, a second bowl of cereal for a snack even as I already feel full. Another slice of pizza. Nachos. Carbs and cheese and comfort and quickness and more and more and more. I haven't felt good about it; I've felt shame. And yet also relief to put yummy, rich food in my mouth when I've had the chance.

The lay-off and the change from having full-time Stephanie to part-time Stephanie has resulted in very emotional kiddos. Clingy. Needy. Fighting over my lap. And I have felt good and clear about the job ending, glad and strong to be home with my kids taking care of them, and totally burnt by the end of the day as the house collapses around me with piles of dishes, food, dirty clothes, diapers, crumbs and blah. So much. I couldn't make myself and feed myself healthful food at the same time. It was just too hard. And the hormones, gah. Gah! They are just. . .a lot.

Writing about food. There is a lot of material here, which in some way surprises me. I never saw myself as someone with food issues or someone with body issues. But when it comes down to it, I find it very extremely challenging to care for and feed my body in a way that feels good to me, physically and emotionally. And tastefully. Mouthfully.

I'm about to go to bed. I started this post this afternoon, just before the kids woke up. Now it is several hours later. I have kept within my allotted 36 daily points. I walked almost three miles. I can tell you that one tiny inch-square Snickers bar is worth 1 point in the WW world.

More later on why I decided to try again. On all or at least some of the many thoughts I have about food.