YVR

The first time I drove down Ygnacio Valley Road I missed my turn. I was heading to the house of my friend's parents, can't remember how old I was. Young adulthood or late teens. I missed my turn and found myself driving up this endless hill with no option to turn around. It freaked me out because I didn't really know where I was. This came to mind last night as I drove up that same hill on my way home.

One of the next times I drove on Ygnacio Valley Road I took the exit by the same name from 680 North, this time heading to John Muir Medical Center for something work-related. I recognized the name of the road but still had no context for where the it fit into the town or where I was going. I rarely pay attention to street signs anyway, less now that an iPhone rather than a map directs me to my final destination. This is one of the clues that I am an "N"on the Meyers-Briggs. "N" for intuitive rather than "S" for sensate. We N's give you directions that look like "Drive until you see the 7-11 and take a right. Then you'll drive on a long, windy road until you see that pink building on your left." An S would give you specific directions involving street signs and mileage. I digress. What else is new? Welcome to my brain.

Since moving to Contra Costa County I have driven on Ygnacio (pronounced differently depending on to whom you are talking, sometimes even referred to as YVR) many, many times. It's a main drag. It took me to my husband's work before he was my husband, when I would stop by to bring him coffee and a kiss. It took me to a pizza place in a strip mall for the first moms' group event we attended. When we left I had absolutely no clue where we were other than knowing we were on Ygnacio. Didn't know which way on the road to drive down in order to get home. It took me to my new OB-GYN office when I was pregnant with the girls. And later it took me many, many times to the NICU to visit them every day for the five weeks they were there.

I don't think in similes but it often happens that noticing a road, really noticing it, will call to mind other things. As I drove up it (down it? Still not sure) last night on my way home from the second meeting of my very exciting women's yoga self-care retreat I remembered that first trip up the hill and it made me think of this new group of women I am getting to know. It also made me think of drugs.

I love to sit in a new group of people and look around, noticing things about them such as what they're wearing or what their hair looks like or whether we make eye contact. I take them in, in a vague way, and think about how some day I will look around and know them so much better that I won't even be able to see some of the things I'm seeing on this first day because my eyes will have already changed as far as they're concerned. I feel love and gratitude for these women whom I barely know--because they are sitting there on the floor, committed to asking questions about themselves and their lives. They are curious and hopeful and struggling. These are my people and I look forward to each time I see them.

When I've taken drugs in the past (the illicit kind, not the many different prescribed kinds that sit on my bathroom sink edge) my favorite part has been noticing when my consciousness starts to change. Paying attention to all the shifts in how I see and feel. Feeling myself be me, but altered.

All this from a road.