Birthday eve

Stephanie the Wonder is out with all four kids, picking up some final pieces needed for the Bigs' second birthday party tomorrow. I am at home, cleaning the kitchen and then messing it up again as I mix up some icing for one of the cakes. They each get one this year--one is golden with lemon icing, and one is chocolate with chocolate icing. I hope they are good.

Earlier I sat down to write a post about how important ceremonies are to me and to my family of origin. The words weren't flowing so I got up to mix instead. Just as I was finishing the lemon icing, which only waits for zest and spreading at this point, Stephanie texted me a photo of my eldest daughter and my only son. They're in the stroller and she's reaching over to touch his head. He got a hair cut today and it seems she approves.

Those two love one another so much. They laugh and laugh. They look for each other. She's started calling him in the mangled, almost-unintelligible-unless-you're-in-the-inner-circle way she pronounces his name. It can't be replicated with the written word. Point is they reach for one another, these older twins of mine. And if there is one wish I have for them on this last day of being one year olds it is that they more often than not remember how loved they are.

There was a list of things to get done this week and today. But when it came down to actually living this day, I wanted to sit back and watch them. Watch them run barefoot in a fountain after lunch, shrieking with giggles. Soaking up the absolute beauty of their faces. Snuggling their baby sisters and feeling the heft of them--they're not tiny babies anymore either.

I love getting to make a party for them. A small, mellow celebration at the park down the street with food they like and people they like. Elmo plates that say "Hooray for you!" A hand-painted piece of art marking the day. The cakes aren't turning out the exact way that I wanted them, I still need to buy balloons and I sent them all away so I could write. This pre-ceremony--the planning, the cooking or ordering, the creation of the ceremony--is part of the celebration too.