A look inside

Some thoughts on raising four children under three. Aka an inside look at our life.

-I do not know what size shoe my children wear. Kids' feet somehow grow fast and slow and they are able to wear a size for a long time and then seem to skip two sizes over night. We have several bunches of shoes, some of which are definitely too small for the bigs but we keep for the littles. Some of which were lended by my sister and maybe once fit someone but now maybe don't fit anyone. Do twins wear the same size as one another? One has wider feet for sure. Some shoes are just designed in a dumb way and may fit but are so hard to put on that they might as well not fit. So yeah. What size do they wear? Not sure. There is a trail of shoes between our house and Stephanie's house, bridged by the seats and crevices of the mini van.

-Taking care of them is physically exhausting. By the end of a day of being with my kids my whole body hurts. They are heavy and fast and they treat us like essential, loved, pieces of furniture so we catch elbows and knees to the chin and nose. We receive full body tackles with a quick-shift to absorb the unannounced blow. Putting them in the car requires climbing into the van, reaching over seats, wrestling with buckles, negotiating strollers or bikes or bags in the way.

-Scarcity breeds desire. If I bring four full water bottles, no one will want any water. If I have one half-full bottle of water, everyone suddenly is dying of thirst.

-Any time I'm doing something I wonder if my time would be better spent doing something else. Is there any point in cleaning the kitchen right now or should I take this kid-free time to clean out the bigs' closet?

-Sometimes I get to just after bedtime and I have to ask myself whether I even made eye contact with a certain child.

-I crave alone time with them, and for them, and when it comes time to choose who will come out with me or spend time with Nana. . .it kills me. I hate to separate them. I struggle with trying to make it fair, trying to think of the week as a whole, trying to think of who seems to need it. It is so strange.

-There is so much poop. SO MUCH POOP.

-We own approximately 150 children's books. We read approximately 10 of them with any regularity. But we don't get rid of them because. . .they are books? Maybe someday soon someone will choose a new one?

-We own approximately 500 toys. The kids play with approximately 5 of them with any regularity. We have rotated them out several times but somehow we end up with piles and buckets of toys. The kids are more interested in getting the screw drivers out of the middle drawer in the kitchen and using them to "fix something". Of note, the bigs go to our neighbor's house about once a week. She has one toy--an old red barn with little people and animals that belonged to her now-adult children. She says Lily and Cyrus play with it diligently every week.

-There is so much laundry.

-Not only do we not keep track of milestones but we sometimes miss them entirely. Especially with the little girls. Hmmm, it suddenly occurs to me that you are talking? And I can understand you? And possibly this has been going on for a while and I didn't notice because I didn't expect you to  be talking yet? Or hmmm, perhaps you keep taking your diaper off because you are ready to start using the potty? But how can that be??

-Seeing the kids interact in all the various combination of sibling is a joy and a gift.

Is there anything specific you wonder about? Let me know and I'll try to describe it.