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Learning and trying to be kind and living my life as fully as I can stand it.

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Enough

Oh hello. I've missed you. I've spent much of the last year living and feeling, exploring and hiding from, talking about and thinking about what has been going on rather than writing about it. I've been journaling more, finally turning to a typed journal rather than another handwritten one because in typing my fingers cover more ground. There is so much to take in. So much to take in and so much to share.

I stood in a new-to-me bookstore yesterday, touching the pretty books, taking pictures of some I want to buy but didn't let myself because my shelves are already heavy and because much of my self-care has looked like spending money lately. I felt some anger and fear come up as I read the sleeves of memoirs. Oh no. I better hurry up. Who is going to want to read my book when there are all these other good life stories being published already?

Hello, scarcity. I welcome you so I can send you on your way. There is time. It will happen. I will make it happen.

I read so many words written by women and they are so bad-ass and wonderful it's like drinking from a life-source that will never run out. More and more and thank you and where have you been and yes. In this article about Stacy Abrams I read in a months-old issue of New York What's Next for Stacy Abrams? she talks about creating a spreadsheet in which she wrote down her goals and what it was like to admit to wanting. To be a woman and to want and to claim that wanting and how that in itself is revolutionary. To read an article about a smart, powerful, curious, multi-dimensional woman written by another brilliant, observant, powerful woman. . . yes yes yes and yes. There is no scarcity here. There is more and more pouring out and I want to drink it all in.

More soon. I want to write about my 20th college reunion and what it was like to sit with my girls and talk and love and celebrate. I want to write about taking the kids camping. I want to write about buying this house and what that's been like. I want to write about leading my first yoga circle with The Practice and getting close to finishing my certification so I can lead more. I want to write about health and body awareness. I want to write about leaving room for the mystery. About feeling love. About unlearning.There is enough. There is so much.