About Me

My photo
Learning and trying to be kind and living my life as fully as I can stand it.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

33 of 40

Written sometime in 2016

I'm like a spy. Sitting in a staff lounge and a young doctor comes to give report to a slightly older doctor. He starts venting about a difficult patient, how she doesn't want to do anything they say and keeps saying she wants to leave. How many times he's had to visit her bedside. He sounds so frustrating and I really do get it. It's important to be able to vent, especially to a hopefully safe person who can take it in and help you process it. Or just help you by listening.

And I also want to ask him "Have you ever been a patient?"

My guess is he will say no, but who knows? We contain multitudes.

In the conversation I am having with him in my head he says 'no' and I say "se nota" because I am thinking in Spanish right now, trying to get my Spanish back where it needs to be. And because some words and phrases feel gentler and at the same time more encompassing. It's not me saying "I can tell" or "That's obvious" It's me saying, Yes that can be noted. At least that's how I translate it for myself.

I want to say, "Being a patient is scary. And hard. And painful. And with all that, you don't stop being yourself. Or at least if you're lucky you try like hell and sometimes succeed in staying yourself, even with all the assaults on your body and mind and self-awareness. You don't just hop on board and become compliant because that's the best thing. That's what will make you better. That's what they're telling you to do. If you're ornery outside of a hospital bed, you will likely be ornery in the hospital bed. Possibly more so. Or the experience might turn you into a meek little kitten. Who knows? The thing is, it is the patient going through a transformative experience here. There is no steady ground to stand on. You are afraid, out of power, out of control. It is hard to know what is what.

So be frustrated, young doctor. Let it out where you can. And then take a deep breath and remember or acknowledge that it feels a lot different to be in the bed than it does to stand next to it.

No comments:

Post a Comment